Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Interesting event

Today has been interesting; I have been taken by surprise by something eventful. I will give thanks to God all the same since He always knows the end from the beginning.
I went for a friend's 40th birthday and met someone new; very interesting and definitely someone who could become a good friend.
Well, time for bed now and to regroup as well.
Good night.

Monday, February 27, 2006

No excuse good enough

Yesterday I was in class and missed my new friend who is on holiday in India; she is going to be away for two weeks. I was so preoccupied that I did not pay full attention in class but was quite glad to hear in a selfish way that someone else was feeling a bit demotivated just like me. I don't know whether it is the weather; I have been blaming it on a lack of exercise but if I do want to take this writing professionally then no excuse is valid.

I have things on my mind to do and yet cannot pin myself down at the moment. No excuse is good enough.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

The cool dudes

I so love it when I am vindicated. I was chatting to two friends about films, raving about Morgan Freeman's performances and how cool and self-assured he looks ( something to do with being an older man, I surmise) and how I would like to meet him and such stuff. Then yesterday on my way to a meeting, I treated myself to an Ebony magazine which had a picture of Samuel Jackson and his wife on there; I quickly opened to the interview with them both and lo and behold, Mr Jackson had written that the person he would most like to act with was Morgan Freeman! Now Samuel is also one cool dude but to read him say that about Morgan made me feel quite smug.

I can recognize class after all; I must begin to believe a bit more in my judgements to do with my writing and believe that each piece I write helps me learn more and express myself better.

To be cool like Samuel or Morgan in my writing; with the grey hairs and all. That would be cool!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Fifth Amendment

When I first read the book Rage of Angels by Sidney Sheldon, I told my mother I wanted to be a lawyer and she told my grandfather who discouraged her and then me from pursuing what I thought was a good career . I don’t think I was devastated about my dream being quashed but I wonder what might have been; I still admire lawyers very much, especially the TV ones.

And a few times people say I should have been a lawyer because they find me argumentative. I do not think I am particularly argumentative; I like to talk and then also explain myself where I feel I am being misunderstood. It probably does sound defensive to the listener and this week I have come up against two situations where I feel I should just been quiet.

It is not pleasant to have someone perceive you in an unflattering light but then who is perfect?

You say it best when you say nothing at all.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

One thing at a time

I have not visited this place since Sunday; I have been a bit overwhelmed emotionally and that has blunted the desire to write somewhat. I feel better today but I still feel physically tired and drained t.I have a slight headache this evening which does not help and the housework is still not finished. One thing I know is that it is very easy for the writing to take the back seat and I must wrestle against all the things that would prevent me from getting on with it.

I had a letter published this month in The Writer's Magazine and it is the first thing I have seen in print this year. I was especially happy to see that my teacher had picked it up and was pleased for me; she used it as an example in class. I am gaining credibility with my classmates and I am encouraged to keep it up

I went to school today and it was good; very informative and we have a lot to read. My greatest desire now is to pick one book and finish it . I must have about twenty books that I have started and left in the middle . I feel out of control and realize that it would be better for me to be done with one thing before moving on to the next.

I am going to have to throw out my credo of doing various things at the same time and pay attention to one thing alone .

One thing at a time, one step at a time, one post at a time.

Bye for now.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Something to think about

I have a lot to think about at the moment, apart from the usual stuff to do with husband and sons. It seems like I am not projecting the right image of myself to certain people in some quarters.

The first thing is that I find myself surprised at having enjoyed a singing session with a group in church very much.
Secondly it seems as if I sound quite melancholy in my Friday column when the word fun actually comes to mind when I think of myself.
Thirdly it seems as if I do not like surprises and want to control things emotionally so that I can tell what is going on.

I quite like the first observation very much; the second and third, I have to think about carefully because those are not impressions I want people to have of me at all. I know I can be a very fun person because some people perceive me thåt way and I have also been in a position of liking someone very much without plånning tol so why am I giving these contrary vibes to some people?

I have to be quiet ånd be true to what answers come up; growth is not always pleasant but if it is to do with a relationship that matters, it has got to be done.

Now does that sound too clinical and how else could I put it?

To thy own self be true, Nana.

Friday, February 17, 2006

I notice that...

The week has gone by a bit too quickly for me; I have not been able to do all that I had planned to do and that is because I have had the boys at home. It has been nice and relaxing in the mornings because I have not had lunchboxes to do.

I went out alone on Valentine's Day , which was a treat; managed to get new shoes without anyone running around or asking to go to the loo. It is beginning to make sense why a lot of female columnists get a lot of inspiration from family life. Sometimes it might seem as if one is moaning about children but I say that much as children are very loving and you would do anything for them, they take from you all the time, and are a bit like chickens that peck all day long. If you do not take time to recharge, you feel so drained by the end of the day because they are taking all the time;that is the nature of parenting and hopefully they will get to the age where they do appreciate what you do for them.

Our year group ( high school) has been circulating these group emails and it is interesting to read from old friends.I have been aware of how isolated I have been from the grown-up world. My world seems to be made up of Kidspeak; but the big bonus of having been at home all this while is that I know myself much better and recognize the triggers that get me into negative states and the like and this week has been one of slipping back a little into my old ways of waiting when I have things to do.

The fact that stares me in the face is that I do need to exercise regularly. Sometimes I wake up and feel like crawling back into bed though I have had several hours of sleep. The lethargy affects my output and my mood and then my thoughts start veering to the morbid and to pitying myself and to asking why I should bother to do certain things at all.
I have also noticed that I need to have something else apart from my own business to attend to; to be of service to someone else .
I have to learn to be patient and work through these periods of inactivity and learn to be directed in my ways and study the Word of God .

Life is interesting in the world of this stay-at-home mother.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Words again

Yesterday I went out and it was a blessing to me after my entry a few days back about wanting a new experience away from my local environment. I had to go and sort out something to do with my bank account that did not go as planned but I bought quite a number of books from charity shops, thrift shops to Americans and came back feeling so full and energized and feeling like I had done something constructive with my time since the books were to do with writing and Scrabble.

My third boy loves Scrabble; that is when he is not being distracted by the older two and he is quite good too. The funny thing is that even though he is very competitive, he is not upset when he loses, which has surprised me but I think his pleasure is from being able to form new words and I hope he keeps this interest up. I have read about a writer whose mother played Scrabble with him and his brother when they were growing up.And what better excuse for this mother to interrupt washing-up to play Scrabble and bond with her son? It is practice for me too and I love to play .

And finally I have subscribed to The Writer Magazine and I am so looking forward to receiving the first copy.

Words; I love them and I desire to churn out some of my very own.

God bless.

Monday, February 13, 2006

I want to write

The boys are on the first half-term break of the year and the first day of it went well today; we visited some friends from church and had a lovely time. It was very relaxing for me because I did not need to do any dishes or cooking for the afternoon. Nice.

I am trying to make an effort with the writing and today I scribbled a few lines and also sent an email about interviewing someone. The bottom line is that I do need to get the body moving because being tired stifles creativity which is not surprising. I haven't been out of our neighbourhood for a while and the boredom is there though I am trying my best not to moan about it or make too much out of it.

It is good for me to acknowledge that certain activities do enhance the writing process and I must make an effort to get them going consistently. I do love this writing gift and cherish it very much. It is the one thing that I know I have a passion for and that I want to excel in. There are other passions but it tops the lot of all the other things that I love to do and I want to do well in it, not for monetary gains per se ( though that would be very nice) or for fame or recognition but for the fact that I want to explore the ability to my full potential.

I do not want to look back in regret; I want to be prolific and productive; I want to write daily; I want to fulfil my calling in this craft; I want to be proud to call myself a writer.

So I will keep trying and keep writing.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

In Him alone

I did my hair today, that is put it in braids and feel a bit more happy about the state of my hairline now, because I can cover the bits where the hair is more attracted to any other place but my scalp and my husband says I look nice.I would say I look presentable.
I spent a lot of the time encouraging my hairdresser to keep praying and to keep hoping and believing that God would answer her prayers. I pray about anything and everything and I see answers daily. Some of them might not come as quickly as I would want them to but they come and a lot of times they come disguised and completely unexpected and prove how wise and great God is.
Today as I sat in church, I felt immensely grateful to have the privilege of knowing Jesus as my Saviour and being able to pick up the Bible and know that it was truth and completely reliable. There is an ease in being sure of what you believe in because there is rest in there.
A little poem came to mind;more of a prayer actually.

Lord, meld me,
Mould me and
Make me
Completely yours.

That is my greatest desire above all else; to live for God and to tell of His goodness in whatever I do.

He alone is worthy of all praise and He alone is the faithful One.

Only believe and you will taste and see His goodness. As I said to my friend, let your confidence be in God; it will not be disappointed.

God bless you.

Friday, February 10, 2006


Today I listened to some great classical music and once again observed how it really does a lot of good to my creative part. I wås driving so I couldn't do any scribbling but in these past few weeks where I have noticed that tiredness is stunting my writing, I am going to listen to this type of music a bit more at home. I also enjoy gospel music very much but since our move, I have not been able to listen to gospel music much because the CDs are all tucked away in boxes.

Today I have also been thinking about how to get around the busyness of modern life and be a bit more relaxed and on top of all the various little jobs that need doing; and I have been praying for wisdom to deal with two of the boys.

The one certain thing is that God does answer prayer and so I shall have some good news to report on the writing front and on the discipline of the boys soon ånd ålso on that beåutiful inspirationål music; classical music.

A great weekend ahead for åll.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Be still

Today I was supposed to be observed and the person to do this did not turn up. She had fallen ill; this is someone I saw yesterday who seemed cheery enough and not at all ill. It is funny how the human state can change within a few hours and yet some of us wallow in negativity for so long when we could change that by choosing to focus on something else.

It is good to be realistic but also good to imagine things being better when you are in a state where they are not. Life is too short to waste any part of it and I preach to myself when I say "let go and let God"; and everything to do with Him is full of peace and joy that is independent of external turmoil.

Be still and know that He is indeed God.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

No rest for the learner

I am hoping to visit this spot twice today since I missed writing again last night but that was deliberate. I was tired and also thinking about my grand-uncle who passed away in Ghana. I also wanted to finish a book I borrowed from the library which has taken me weeks to finish because it was so huge. I consider any reading I do now as research so I try to finish a book even if I am struggling with it; to see what works and what doesn't. It is nice to have a hobby that requires such pleasant research.

Anyway, yesterday I went to school and we were handed out so many leaflets and things to look up and check out that all thoughts of having a break next week, which is half-term week, have taken a nosedive. I will have to do something every day if I don't want to be caught out, since paperwork is not exactly my forte. It has been an enjoyable three weeks of grammar but apparently our exams will expect us to remember great details of what the Simple Present Perfect tense is,for example.
Exams; have never liked them because they always catch me out. I have not been a good student in times past and I have been known to do only what is required to pass. Now that I am growing, I do realize that this is it. I will not be starting off as a baby again so I have resolved to better in all areas.

So come next week, I shall be on top on my blogging, I shall be revising my grammar, I shall be doing my writing assignment for class and hopefully I shall be feeding the family good nutritious fare in the midst of this studious environment.

There shall be no rest until this learner has done what needs to be done.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Two oppportunities gone

I have not been here for two days; on Monday my writing space had been invaded by an angry builder who needed my husband's help so I couldn't write with those negative emotions swirling round. On Tuesday, I forgot.Not funny at all.

On Monday the writing class went well and I was struck anew about how supportive everyone is. The two ladies with gripes were there and somehow I felt like one of them was not too happy about something. She is a good writer. I don't know what it is but because I sense nuances quite well, I have decided not to say too much about the other bits of writing I do and also pray that whatever she is unhappy about concerning the teacher will be resolved. Writing is a tough business and one learns if you want to from the rejections and the criticisms and the like.As someone has said there is nothing like the perfect piece but there comes a point when you have to let it go and send it out as best as you can. Just as there are many ways to introduce yourself, so are there many ways to express a point and that is the beauty of this craft.

And, I have struck some form of rapport with the lady who complained about the teacher last week. There again, I shall pray and see what comes out of it.

It would be nice if one could walk away from this craft without any angst but a few days away from it for some of us and we get this discomfort somewhere in our body.

So I rue the two days I have not been able to exercise those muscles but I am back in the saddle and that is the important thing.

Have to get ready to go to school and will hope to have something interesting to write about class this evening.

God bless.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Thank you

Today has been good. I have managed to rest a little and it has been very helpful. It has been very quiet and I have had no phone calls at all. I have managed to go through a pile of books to see what I need on hand and I am going to formulate a sort of reading plan for myself because there is so much to read.
Thank You, Father for rest and for the privilege of being able to read and write.
Good night.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

Friends like these

I am deliciously tired after visting my best friend and her husband. It was just so restful and peaceful sharing the Word of God and talking about other dreams and ideas that we have.
There is nothing quite as precious as a friend you get on with and can be open before and expose your deepest thoughts to.
It is indeed one of the wondrous miracles of God. With friends like these, I feel truly blessed.

God bless.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Something New

Following on from that, I was listening to the radio yesterday in the car and it was on the station for classical music. I am more a jazz person but since discovering classical music late last year somewhere, I have been hooked from day one. I can now understand yet another theory that kids are affected by classical music in a positive way. Some of the music is so soothing, noble and regal that one can't help thinking noble thoughts when you hear it and I find that I am beginning to even realise the differences between the instruments and recognize some of the musicians by song.

It is always energising to discover a new interest because it adds colour and flavour to your life and learning something new gives the impression that you are growing and not stuck in a rut. Being static and doing the same things over and over again every day lead to boredom, a lack of stimulation and frustration with yourself and everything around you.

Just as the body needs exercise, your mind needs exercise and again research shows how being active slows down aging.
And somehow having the intent on learning or expanding your world brings into your life the necessary resources.

As I have kept up with this new love for my life, I have been gifted with a radio that is perfect for apparently listening to classical music, as they keep on being given out as gifts on this particular station.

What a blessing to enjoy the talents of others, what noble work can come out of someone when the talent is used in the right way. I hope I also leave something lasting to posterity.

God bless you.

As I Grow Up

I made a promise to myself to blog daily and I broke the promise yesterday so I was not too happy with that but not cross with myself either. It has been a challenging week and my patience has been on trial for a lot of the time.

I have been assessing myself and evaluating myself in the past few weeks but actually started that somewhere in December and slowed down a bit; I have begun the process again so that I can purge myself of the habits that are not helpful to me or other people. One thing I have gleaned from my musings is that being respected means a lot to me and being addressed politely means more to me than other things like maybe even remembering my name. I get quite miffed when someone patronizes me in tone or is rude to me, especially if it is someone close. When I am spoken to like a daft person or a child, I feel such a sense of disrespect and want to lash out at the person so much.And especially when it is someone in particular, I feel anger rising up within me , red and hot and I have to make an effort to calm down and talk to the person when I am a more rational being.

When I do calm down, I go through the scenario to find out whether I was at fault so that I can apologize and try to be honest about . But how does one make another understand what matters to you when they keep doing what you dislike so intensely after several conversations about the issue?

Do you pray, do you talk to someone else, do you ignore it, what do you do?

As I grow up, I realize that all my reactions and responses are my own choices that I have to make as an individual and what might work for one person does not work for another. What might seem like respectful tones to me might sound like timidity to another; so probably I should watch out and see how this person understands what respect means.

If the lack of respect as I call it continues, I might have to ask the question " Are you talking to me?" Then we will take it up from there.

In the meantime I shall just pretend that the person has not been trained to talk to such as me.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Rhythm of Life

I have not been sleeping as early as I normally do and I am paying for it today. Without the regular exercise, depriving myself of some hours of sleep was certainly not an inspired idea, but I will get back to that when I start a regular exercise regime.
So I am going to bed early even though I have not done any writing today. I am a bit tired and missing home especially after seeing some pictures with bright sunlight.
I do feel a little bad when I complain about the cold but today has been close to freezing.
I will stop here and go to bed. I will be thinking clearer after a date with my pillow.
God bless.

Good night.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Little by little

Today has been another day on the go but it has ended very beautifully in a session with my coach. I always learn something new from my coaching sessions and get new insights into the things that I need help with. I could wax lyrical about coaching for a long time but today I will keep it short.

My coach can sense a shift in my attitudes and I can as well. I have begun to believe very much or see the evidence to support the theories that abound that your emotional well-being affects your physical appearance. As I have come to the point of trying out different things even if I fail, I have grown a little bit taller,my posture is better and my laugh more full-bodied. Weird, I know but true . I shall keep on growing, keep on learning and keep on trusting in God and believe that all the hairs of my head will also grow back and be black and silky.Nothing is impossible.

Little by little, day by day, I am growing.
God bless you. Hope to be more alert and awake in the coming weeks.