Friday, February 03, 2006

As I Grow Up

I made a promise to myself to blog daily and I broke the promise yesterday so I was not too happy with that but not cross with myself either. It has been a challenging week and my patience has been on trial for a lot of the time.

I have been assessing myself and evaluating myself in the past few weeks but actually started that somewhere in December and slowed down a bit; I have begun the process again so that I can purge myself of the habits that are not helpful to me or other people. One thing I have gleaned from my musings is that being respected means a lot to me and being addressed politely means more to me than other things like maybe even remembering my name. I get quite miffed when someone patronizes me in tone or is rude to me, especially if it is someone close. When I am spoken to like a daft person or a child, I feel such a sense of disrespect and want to lash out at the person so much.And especially when it is someone in particular, I feel anger rising up within me , red and hot and I have to make an effort to calm down and talk to the person when I am a more rational being.

When I do calm down, I go through the scenario to find out whether I was at fault so that I can apologize and try to be honest about . But how does one make another understand what matters to you when they keep doing what you dislike so intensely after several conversations about the issue?

Do you pray, do you talk to someone else, do you ignore it, what do you do?

As I grow up, I realize that all my reactions and responses are my own choices that I have to make as an individual and what might work for one person does not work for another. What might seem like respectful tones to me might sound like timidity to another; so probably I should watch out and see how this person understands what respect means.

If the lack of respect as I call it continues, I might have to ask the question " Are you talking to me?" Then we will take it up from there.

In the meantime I shall just pretend that the person has not been trained to talk to such as me.


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